Great White Winged One [part 1]


Breaching needs to be considered in-depth before-fin

On the other side of the everyday element’s surface it can see, dimly, white wheeling shapes. Two white interconnected arcs with a lump in the middle making movements that suggest strangeness. It knows what they are and feels a certain degree of discontent. It has been wanting to move to the other side of the jagged surface for a long time. Though things are fine on this side: it is deep, light and dark, there are reasonable amounts of food, partners for mating. What it is not happy with is the idea of being limited in any one direction. It should be possible not only to go deeper but also to go higher or deeper in the other direction. The idea is to go everywhere.


The present situation is not acceptable despite the rich volume it has entered recently. Even won a fight down deep against a many-armed one who had clearly overestimated its conflict capacity. Arms, fins, tentacles are not everything. Certain things can only be accounted for in terms of speed and ferocity.


The wounds are healing quickly despite the non-stop motion. That is another point it is unhappy about. To always and forever have to move. Semi-hemispheric sleep does not make it more agreeable. The fact is that reality is always there, present, to dive through at varying velocities. No rest for the wary, no stops at all just variations of the same fundamental scheme. Basically: white, grey, azure, blue, deep blue, black. Red sometimes from those other beings who share its streaming volume of reality. But that is a side effect.

The motion is good. The fins are correct.


It can feel a cool stream along the almost already healed wounds, circular most of them. Deep beak bite marks from an enemy that in the end lost, despite high intelligence and many arms and all that. Speed and ferocity, hard to compete with.


And now this here. The surface forbidding that other volume for no good reason. There might be a pause from eternal motion there. Or just something else entirely that is not related, in any meaningful way, with life on this side. It is worth finding out or at least trying to.


It accelerates from the direction of darkness towards that of light. It is that time were one side is dark and the other is bright. Accelerates hard and fast, the fin cutting through the element as though it were trying to cut it down to its basic components. Powerful strokes to cut to the little parts out of which things are put together. Not even really breathing anymore because the flow is so super quick. A school disperses in perfect synchronicity, banking down and left, silverly reflecting the light that pours from outside.


Now, now, now, harder, faster. It can do it, will.


Breaches the membrane, which is none, out into the new thin space above. The sudden absence of resistance is exhilarating. The white shapes can be seen more clearly now, some of them bobbing up-side-down or down-side-up on the surface, facing the other end of the blue, which looks different, more approachable. Things are fresh and different on this side: times when there is no dark, beings of a very different shape, a lack of density, a sparkling area of whiteness and for long distances, it seems, no potential partners. But this is what it wants, all this difference.


It rises,  unstoppably. This time things will happen in an other way. There are activities it will do that it has never tried before. Three quarters of the body are out, a new best. Then only the tail fin is left on the old side and it is still ascending, ready to fully enter its new volume.


It had first discovered it, not really from curiosity but from a long, sleepless time of hunger. Then, all that was on its consciousness had been food and where and how to get something between its teeth next. A darkness other than the one below it seemed to approach, closer and closer. But suddenly it had seen a white shape on the other side of the membrane, which is not a membrane. Racing towards it at a speed it had never before reached, opening its mouth it had flown up into, down into, the other side. And had never since forgotten about the experience, recreating it again at leisure, slowly forming the notion of making the passage permanent.


Now even the fin leaves the old reality behind and it ascends towards this different blue that today is furrowed with lovely stripes of white stuff. It thinks that this is it, which makes it feel good. But when it tries to accelerate with powerful strokes there is nothing there to accelerate against. On the contrary, the thinness seems to be hindering it from meaningfully continuing on its path. Within a few moments it comes to an almost standstill and then, without it making the motions to dive there begins going back towards the old place.

No! No, no, no! It struggles but the invisible pull from the dense, deep reality of all its life so far is too strong to do anything against. And also the new element is not at all cooperating with its muscular efforts, instead flowing around it like nothing! Just a stream of coolness like a strange current.


But it’s too early to go back. It’s only been here a few moments, it wants to stay longer, look for food, look for partners.


The discontent comes back now but in a different tone. It is anger, wanting to bite everything to pieces, angrier than with the enemy, which overestimated itself. It’s real hot fury of foiled willpower.


Then a big splash and all the usual feelings come back. Ok, alright then, time to just move around again. White, grey, azure, blue, deep blue, black, eat, mate. Then when the energies are back: try again. Speed and ferocity.


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About tmabona

writer, reader [bolano, DW, bellow, deLillo], runner, badmintoneer
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